Last post I discussed a pretty good habit you can swap for really great one – Quit Taking a Ride… and Take the Wheel. Winners are always in the driver’s seat. As a result, they let their actions rise above their excuses.
When problems arise, what’s your first reaction? Do you think like a cop, identifying culprits and assigning blame? Do you vent your anger on anyone within your yelling radius? Do you submerge yourself in regret, thinking, If only? Or do you immediately get creative and think, How can we make this right?
Early in my career, I asked my boss why, when the rest of us couldn’t find daylight, he could see the light at the end of the tunnel and it was always coming from a rainbow?
“It comes from a lesson I learned long ago,” he said. “The more you focus on the positive side of life, the more you will attract the positives. The things we focus on create a magnet for our lives.”
As the years since then have taught me, my boss was right. Focus on excuses, and every challenge is a stumbling block. Focus on solutions, and every challenge becomes a stepping stone.
During one of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s election campaigns, his campaign manager was about to print 3 million copies of the candidate’s acceptance speech with his photograph alongside. Then someone pointed out that the photographer had never given permission to use the photograph. According to the copyright laws at that time, you could be fined a dollar per copy for publishing unauthorized photographs. The campaign couldn’t take a $3 million hit.
The campaign manager felt a tinge of panic, but instead of thinking up excuses or finding someone to blame, he kept his cool and started considering ways to handle the situation. Could this disaster be turned into a dividend?
He had an idea.
He cabled the photographer: “I have a plan that could mean a great deal of publicity for you. What’s it worth to you if I use your photo on this campaign material?” The photographer cabled back: “I can’t afford more than $250.”
It was a deal!
By focusing on finding a solution, FDR’s campaign manager was not only able to prevent great embarrassment and fines, but he also forged a lasting relationship between the photographer and FDR’s administration—and he got a pretty good deal for a crucial photo.
Winners are skilled at seeing solutions. They do this in various ways. One powerful way is to cultivate a heightened awareness of solutions—that is, when they encounter a problem, they immediately start seeing possible solutions. It’s a habit that can be cultivated, and it has to do with a take-charge mindset—taking the wheel instead of letting events drive themselves. When we change the way we look at things, things change the way they look. If we remain open to new experiences, we discover new ways of doing things, new ways of enjoying life. If we train ourselves to think in terms of solutions instead of problems, we begin to see more solutions. Soon problems become merely occasions to find solutions—a kind of game that challenges you to solve puzzles.
You can train yourself to look for good outcomes by becoming aware of how you react when a problem arises. Do you get angry? Do you start assigning blame? If so, catch yourself before you speak. Take a breather. Remain calm. You’re inside the problem; where’s the exit? What needs to be done right away? What can be done later? What can be done to keep this from happening in the future?
Next time you hop into your car, consider how much bigger your windshield is than your rear view mirror. There’s a reason for this: in driving, as in life, you need to keep your attention focused forward more than backward. Keep your eyes on the road ahead, always looking for winning solutions. Leave the problems and excuses in your rearview mirror.
Check out Winners ALWAYS Quit for six other pretty good habits you can swap for really great results./
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Quit Taking a Ride... and Take the Wheel
Just today, my wife and I brought our newborn baby boy home. Oh, wait a minute. That was 16 years ago today! How can that be? From drooling to driving in a nanosecond. In spite of our attempts to make time stand still, my son is ready to quit taking a ride and take the wheel. For him, it is a literal change. For the rest of us, it's a figurative challenge.
My good friend and bestselling author, David Cottrell, and I discuss this challenge in our latest book, Winners ALWAYS Quit.
On any of life’s journeys, we have to make a choice before we begin the trip. Our options are these: we can be a passenger, or we can be the driver. It’s our choice.
People who choose to be passengers have to go where the driver is going. Passengers have no control over how fast they move ahead, no say about whether rules are observed.
Then again, being a passenger has its appeal. You can just sit in the car and relax, oblivious to your final destination. You can plug in your earbuds and listen to music, or you can nap. You can text a friend on your cell phone or do sudoku puzzles. You don’t have to pay attention to where you are, who’s in front of you, who’s behind you, or whether you’re making progress. Your journey may be pleasant enough, but if you choose to be a passenger, you’re just going along for the ride.
It’s not what happens to us but how we choose to respond to what happens that determines our next move, next path, next relationship, and next risk. If you choose to be a driver, you accept the responsibility for moving toward your goal. You pay attention and focus on getting to your destination. You make decisions on how quickly to move ahead. You avoid potholes and stray ice chests in the road. You decide when to stop and refuel. You may choose to take a detour. You make all the decisions that affect the safety of your passengers and your success in reaching the goal.
The physical distance between a passenger and a driver is less than three feet; the psychological distance is enormous. Which would you choose to be?
Expect the Unexpected
When things are going the way they’re expected to go, most people feel they are in control of their lives. This is an illusion. In the larger sense, you can’t control all the events life throws at you, or even most of them. The only thing you can really control is how you respond to them. It’s like being a defensive driver.
When the unexpected happens, the illusion of control can vanish like your kids at dishwashing time. People react to the unexpected in one of two ways. Some take the role of the victim: “Wasn’t my fault. Nobody could have foreseen it. Nothing I could have done about it.” This is a “passenger” reaction.
Others see an opportunity to truly take control: “Okay, things have changed. Let’s see what we can do about it.
Maybe there’s a great opportunity here.” This is the way a “driver” reacts.
A real driver has the remarkable ability to deal successfully with the unexpected, the unusual, the extraordinary. Positively dealing with the unexpected by looking for solutions, not excuses, is the choice winners make.
Believe it or not, the unexpected is going to happen. It’s your choice how you deal with it. You can be a victim, or you can choose to realize that you can make strides toward greater success by taking control of the unexpected.
Do we sometimes fall into the victim trap? Of course. Occasionally feeling sorry for ourselves is natural, but remaining in the victim trap will keep you from achieving success.
Avoiding the victim trap is not easy, but it’s a choice you have to make. You control your next move. Will you sit and sulk, or will you commit to continuing toward your ultimate goal?
Tune into my next blog post for the inside track on how you can jump into the driver’s seat of your life!
My good friend and bestselling author, David Cottrell, and I discuss this challenge in our latest book, Winners ALWAYS Quit.
On any of life’s journeys, we have to make a choice before we begin the trip. Our options are these: we can be a passenger, or we can be the driver. It’s our choice.
People who choose to be passengers have to go where the driver is going. Passengers have no control over how fast they move ahead, no say about whether rules are observed.
Then again, being a passenger has its appeal. You can just sit in the car and relax, oblivious to your final destination. You can plug in your earbuds and listen to music, or you can nap. You can text a friend on your cell phone or do sudoku puzzles. You don’t have to pay attention to where you are, who’s in front of you, who’s behind you, or whether you’re making progress. Your journey may be pleasant enough, but if you choose to be a passenger, you’re just going along for the ride.
It’s not what happens to us but how we choose to respond to what happens that determines our next move, next path, next relationship, and next risk. If you choose to be a driver, you accept the responsibility for moving toward your goal. You pay attention and focus on getting to your destination. You make decisions on how quickly to move ahead. You avoid potholes and stray ice chests in the road. You decide when to stop and refuel. You may choose to take a detour. You make all the decisions that affect the safety of your passengers and your success in reaching the goal.
The physical distance between a passenger and a driver is less than three feet; the psychological distance is enormous. Which would you choose to be?
Expect the Unexpected
When things are going the way they’re expected to go, most people feel they are in control of their lives. This is an illusion. In the larger sense, you can’t control all the events life throws at you, or even most of them. The only thing you can really control is how you respond to them. It’s like being a defensive driver.
When the unexpected happens, the illusion of control can vanish like your kids at dishwashing time. People react to the unexpected in one of two ways. Some take the role of the victim: “Wasn’t my fault. Nobody could have foreseen it. Nothing I could have done about it.” This is a “passenger” reaction.
Others see an opportunity to truly take control: “Okay, things have changed. Let’s see what we can do about it.
Maybe there’s a great opportunity here.” This is the way a “driver” reacts.
A real driver has the remarkable ability to deal successfully with the unexpected, the unusual, the extraordinary. Positively dealing with the unexpected by looking for solutions, not excuses, is the choice winners make.
Believe it or not, the unexpected is going to happen. It’s your choice how you deal with it. You can be a victim, or you can choose to realize that you can make strides toward greater success by taking control of the unexpected.
Do we sometimes fall into the victim trap? Of course. Occasionally feeling sorry for ourselves is natural, but remaining in the victim trap will keep you from achieving success.
Avoiding the victim trap is not easy, but it’s a choice you have to make. You control your next move. Will you sit and sulk, or will you commit to continuing toward your ultimate goal?
Tune into my next blog post for the inside track on how you can jump into the driver’s seat of your life!
Quit Getting Comfortable... and Explore the Edge
Comfort certainly has its advantages—our comfy chair in the living room, a comfortable routine at work, a comfortable relationship. With all the advantages of comfort, here are some things you should know about the comfort zone before you explore the edge.
The comfort zone is where most of life is played. It is certainly where most of sports is played. Consider a football field: 90 percent of the game is played between the 20-yard lines. That’s why they call anything outside that area the “red zone”—it’s where the difference in the game is made. It’s okay to feel good and play well inside the comfort zone before you explore the edge and go for the score.
But staying in the comfort zone too long can get boring. We get soft and unfocused; we don’t have to be as sharp. If we make our comfort zone as big as our life, we not only lose our edge, we can even lose sight of the edge. We must ignite our own sense of adventure if we want to see what the world has to offer us and what we have to offer the world.
It’s pretty safe in the comfort zone. We know the boundaries, the landscape, and the other comfortable players in the comfort zone. There is little or no risk; a misstep here or there is not very costly. But like the football team that’s trapped between the 20-yard lines, we cannot win in the comfort zone. Because the risk is small, so is the reward. Learning and growth occur when we are uncomfortable. Think of the defining moments of learning and growth in your life. Were you hanging out in your comfort zone? No, you were hanging over the edge.
So, in case you’re hesitating to explore the edge, here are four comforting questions to help you move forward.
1. Who else has done it? You may think you’re in unexplored territory, but it’s unlikely that you’re trying something no one else has ever tried. Look around to find others who have explored the same edge that you might be anxious about. Whether your comfort zone ends at the edge of learning a new skill, speaking in public, making a financial investment, expressing your feelings, or quitting a bad habit, someone else has been at that very same edge. That person can help support you, prepare you, and encourage you to win.
2. Can I dip my toe in first? No one says you have to hurl yourself headlong into every new endeavor. Try it out first. Start small. When you reflect on the first time you tried anything new (leading, speaking, rock climbing, painting, playing a musical instrument), you probably remember how uncomfortable you felt. But you stepped out and did it, and you soon discovered that it wasn’t as hard as you had expected, right? After a while, what was once the edge became your comfort zone as you built your competence—and competence builds confidence.
3. How bad can it be? Often, the fear in your mind paints a darker picture of things outside your comfort zone than is really the case. Remember, the victory is in the exploration itself more than the success of your attempt. Thomas Edison said, “Genius? Nothing! Sticking to it is the genius. I’ve failed my way to success.”
4. How great can it be? Your dreams are usually bigger than your comfort zone. You must be so passionate about your dream that, instead of feeling that you have to leave your comfort zone, you are magnetically drawn to the edge.
So, quit getting comfortable and explore the edge!
The comfort zone is where most of life is played. It is certainly where most of sports is played. Consider a football field: 90 percent of the game is played between the 20-yard lines. That’s why they call anything outside that area the “red zone”—it’s where the difference in the game is made. It’s okay to feel good and play well inside the comfort zone before you explore the edge and go for the score.
But staying in the comfort zone too long can get boring. We get soft and unfocused; we don’t have to be as sharp. If we make our comfort zone as big as our life, we not only lose our edge, we can even lose sight of the edge. We must ignite our own sense of adventure if we want to see what the world has to offer us and what we have to offer the world.
It’s pretty safe in the comfort zone. We know the boundaries, the landscape, and the other comfortable players in the comfort zone. There is little or no risk; a misstep here or there is not very costly. But like the football team that’s trapped between the 20-yard lines, we cannot win in the comfort zone. Because the risk is small, so is the reward. Learning and growth occur when we are uncomfortable. Think of the defining moments of learning and growth in your life. Were you hanging out in your comfort zone? No, you were hanging over the edge.
So, in case you’re hesitating to explore the edge, here are four comforting questions to help you move forward.
1. Who else has done it? You may think you’re in unexplored territory, but it’s unlikely that you’re trying something no one else has ever tried. Look around to find others who have explored the same edge that you might be anxious about. Whether your comfort zone ends at the edge of learning a new skill, speaking in public, making a financial investment, expressing your feelings, or quitting a bad habit, someone else has been at that very same edge. That person can help support you, prepare you, and encourage you to win.
2. Can I dip my toe in first? No one says you have to hurl yourself headlong into every new endeavor. Try it out first. Start small. When you reflect on the first time you tried anything new (leading, speaking, rock climbing, painting, playing a musical instrument), you probably remember how uncomfortable you felt. But you stepped out and did it, and you soon discovered that it wasn’t as hard as you had expected, right? After a while, what was once the edge became your comfort zone as you built your competence—and competence builds confidence.
3. How bad can it be? Often, the fear in your mind paints a darker picture of things outside your comfort zone than is really the case. Remember, the victory is in the exploration itself more than the success of your attempt. Thomas Edison said, “Genius? Nothing! Sticking to it is the genius. I’ve failed my way to success.”
4. How great can it be? Your dreams are usually bigger than your comfort zone. You must be so passionate about your dream that, instead of feeling that you have to leave your comfort zone, you are magnetically drawn to the edge.
So, quit getting comfortable and explore the edge!
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